Acting

Take a minute and imagine yourself as someone else. This you is an incredible actor, but not like Hollywood movies or Broadway plays type actor. Just the average life actor.

You go through life everyday wishing you were dead. Some days you actually feel happy, but most you just sit there begging to get in a fatal car crash on your everyday commute or hoping a mad man with a gun will come in a and murder you. You're not suicidal, but you want to die.You don't tell anyone how you feel. You've lived your entire life bottling up all of your feelings. Not telling anyone the pain you feel. You don't want to bother them with your feelings. Other people have lives of their own. They have their own problems, so why bother them with yours?

So you go through life not only feeling dead inside but also feeling alone in life. You act like your happy, and you act so well that everyone around believes you. In fact you're even told sometimes that people wish they were you because you seem so happy. So you keep it in more. You don't tell your friends you're suffering. You don't seek help because you feel like you're too far gone already, and where would you even start anyway?

And because you've lived your life this way you can't even tell your boyfriend of THREE YEARS about your pain. You can't tell him how you feel so much pain, but he already knows there's something wrong. He sees your hurting, and he begs you to open up, but you've trained yourself to never do that. You can see how upset he is. He just wants to help you, but you can't even give him that. And your parents can see through your act too, but they don't try to get you to open up to them. Instead they send you to counseling thinking maybe that will help, but how could you possibly talk to some random stranger about your feelings when you can't even tell the people you're closest to.

You live life everyday hiding your feelings from the world, but there's a part of you inside screaming for help. Screaming for someone to notice you. Screaming for someone to see past the act. To see through the lies, but they never do. And you're stuck feeling alone. You're trapped inside your own mind and nobody can help.

It doesn't sound fun to be this you does it? It feels like hell.

Welcome to me.