Acting

Take a minute and imagine yourself as someone else. This you is an incredible actor, but not like Hollywood movies or Broadway plays type actor. Just the average life actor.

You go through life everyday wishing you were dead. Some days you actually feel happy, but most you just sit there begging to get in a fatal car crash on your everyday commute or hoping a mad man with a gun will come in a and murder you. You're not suicidal, but you want to die.You don't tell anyone how you feel. You've lived your entire life bottling up all of your feelings. Not telling anyone the pain you feel. You don't want to bother them with your feelings. Other people have lives of their own. They have their own problems, so why bother them with yours?

So you go through life not only feeling dead inside but also feeling alone in life. You act like your happy, and you act so well that everyone around believes you. In fact you're even told sometimes that people wish they were you because you seem so happy. So you keep it in more. You don't tell your friends you're suffering. You don't seek help because you feel like you're too far gone already, and where would you even start anyway?

And because you've lived your life this way you can't even tell your boyfriend of THREE YEARS about your pain. You can't tell him how you feel so much pain, but he already knows there's something wrong. He sees your hurting, and he begs you to open up, but you've trained yourself to never do that. You can see how upset he is. He just wants to help you, but you can't even give him that. And your parents can see through your act too, but they don't try to get you to open up to them. Instead they send you to counseling thinking maybe that will help, but how could you possibly talk to some random stranger about your feelings when you can't even tell the people you're closest to.

You live life everyday hiding your feelings from the world, but there's a part of you inside screaming for help. Screaming for someone to notice you. Screaming for someone to see past the act. To see through the lies, but they never do. And you're stuck feeling alone. You're trapped inside your own mind and nobody can help.

It doesn't sound fun to be this you does it? It feels like hell.

Welcome to me.

Chevron Baby Blanket

Hello lovelies!!

Long time no see. I apologize for taking so long to make any posts. The internet at my house sucks and when I got back in campus I got really busy. I'm here now though, so Yay!

This weekend I went to a baby shower for one of my oldest friends. She's having a baby girl, so of course I'm really excited. I've been into crochet since last year and I've gotten pretty good at it, so I decided to make a blanket for baby Lizzie. Everyone was surprised that I made it. They all said it looked store bought, and my friend said it was one of her favorite presents. 

Here's what the blanket looks like. I got the pattern from here,  but I made some changes to it to make it my own.

Essentially this is the actual pattern t completely copy mine:

Materials

Use a 5mm hook 

Worsted weight yarn (I used “I love this yarn” brand because it's really soft.)

Abbreviations:

Ch – chain

dc – double crochet

dc3tog – double crochet 3 together (this does not mean three in one. If you do not know what this stitch is here is a tutorial on how)

st – stitch

sc – single crochet

hdc – half double crochet

**NOTE: At the end of each row you will dc 3 times in the turning chain (last chain on the first row) instead of  doing the 3 dcs twice.**

Chain 142. If you want to make it a full size blanket increase in multiples of 14

Row 1:  2 dcs in 3rd ch from hook, *dc in each of the next 3 stitches, dc3tog 2 times, dc in each of the next 3 stitches, (3 dcs in next st) 2 times*; repeat from * to * across, ending with 3 dcs in last ch.

Row 2: Turn.  Ch 2. 2 dcs in first dc, *dc in each of the next 3 stitches, dc3tog 2 times, dc in each of the next 3 stitches, (3 dcs in next st) 2 times*; repeat from * to * across, ending with 3 dcs in turning ch.

Repeat row 2 until blanket is to desired length.

My pattern was 3 rows white 6 rows pink 3 rows grey 1 row pink and repeat. I started and ended with white.

I added a white border on the sides by turning the blanket sideways and stitching into the sides of the dcs with this pattern sc in the first hdc in the second dc in each till the end and end with hdc in the second to last and sc in the last st

Hello Lovelies!

So today I was given my test video assignment. I actually already finished it. Is that bad? Did I do that too fast? Anyway, here's a link to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2f1wkRZx2Mc

Also today I was "inducted" into the National Society of Leadership and Success. What a waste of 30 minutes. All I did was go in there and receive a T-shirt and a paper that said I have officially been inducted. But hey, FREE T-SHIRT!!!!!! I really enjoy free things, especially T-shirts. My entire wardrobe is pretty much just T-shirts and yoga pants.

Anyway, that's all the interesting news I have for you today. Go watch my video and be sure to tell me what you thought.

Goodbye for now!

Hello Lovelies!!

This was the last actual week of college classes for me. Finals start next week. It still hasn't hit me yet that I am actually almost finished with my first year of college. This year has gone by way to fast, but I can't wait for all the exciting things that are in the near future.

Firstly, I'm going to be getting a job with a little video production company in Hot Springs. I'm so excited to be getting a job that will give me experience for my future in movie making. This job isn't just going to be filmmaking though. The place is also a summer rental house, so my job will also include upkeep and cleaning of that. That doesn't really matter though. I'm just happy to be getting experience and to be getting paid for said experience.

Secondly, my family will be taking a trip to the beach this year. I've asked my boyfriend to go with me, but he isn't going to ask his parents until after graduation (so he'll "officially be an adult"). If he doesn't go then it will just be my parents, my grandmother, and me. Either way it's still going to be really fun. I love the beach, but at the same time I'm terrified of it. The thought of sharks possibly swimming up makes it hard for me to swim. Regardless, I will have loads of fun, whether in the water or up on shore playing in the sand. I think we have finally decided on our location (Florida). My mom really wants to go there this year. I've been trying to talk my aunt into coming with her kids and husband, but so far I haven't had much luck. I'll break her down though.

So even though I have a bunch of tests to worry about, I just can't bring myself to being worked up about them yet. I'm just too excited for the summer. That's my good news. If you have any cool summer plans I would love to hear about them.

Goodbye for now!!

Tanning Products are Ripoffs

Hello Lovelies!!

With my boyfriend's prom coming up in less than a month I decided it would be best if I started tanning. I can't wear a beautiful dress if I'm pasty!

Every day I go into the tanning salon they have some sort of new sale going on like 25% off lotions, or buy a lotion get a body wash free. As a broke college student I usually say, "sorry, I don't have the money for it right now. I'm just here to tan." I already have a bronzer lotion that I bought at Walmart for six dollars anyways, why would I want to buy a can the same size with less bronzing chemicals for $20?!

However, after plenty of research, and seeing for myself, I realized something that could be life changing. It will at least save plenty of money. My skin will get dark regardless of what I use. All I need is a lotion to keep my skin moist. I don't need some stupid bronzer product to lie to me. And everything in store you can find elsewhere for a much lower price.

In conclusion, if you are deciding to tan just do it. Don't let the sales people sucker you into buying products that you don't need or that you can find somewhere else cheaper. I hope you all take this post into serious consideration because I don't want any of you to waste your money.

Goodbye for now!!!

P.S. I get to see the finished product of my prom dress this weekend. I had to add sleeves.

Easter Weekend

Hello Lovelies!

I actually started writing this post on Tuesday, but I ended up getting busy and forgot that I was trying to talk to you lovelies… Oops

This past weekend was Easter, so I went home to spend time with my wonderful family. My boyfriend was in Branson with his choir and didn't get home until late Saturday night, so I actually spent Easter Sunday with his family.

Friday night I got into town headed home and my mom called and told me not to go home and to just meet her and my dad at Ross. She wanted to buy a new dress for Easter, but she ended up not finding anything for herself. I found a really cute white lace dress that I wore a peach jacket and matching sandals with. It was adorable but completely wasted.

Saturday I got up, and my dad wanted to go fishing, so we waited for my sister to get back from her Saturday class then went to the town where I grew up (an hour away from my parents' current house) and fished there. Most of my dad's family lives up there, so when we were done fishing we went to his brother's house. Two of my cousins were off at prom, so I didn't get to see them, but we ended up staying there till late. We finally got home, and it was after midnight. That is why the dress was wasted. We were so tired that we didn't go to church the next day.

As I said earlier, I spent Easter Sunday with my boyfriend's family. I went in my new dress because I didn't want it to go completely to waste. When I got there his youngest brother (he's six) was wearing the same color shirt as me, and their Mimi was joking with him that I was his girlfriend. I said "can't I be both?" That was a really fun day, and I always enjoy spending time over there. Before I left Ivan and I sat down in the big comfy chair for a little bit. We ended up falling asleep together. I think that was the best nap I've ever had.

So that was my Easter weekend. It was really fun, and I can't wait to go home again.

Goodbye for now!

Spring Is InThe Air

Hello lovelies!

It's a beautiful day here at college. I'm currently sitting under a tree enjoying the gentle breeze and wonderful spring air. I hope you all are doing well today. I just thought I'd give y'all an update since I haven't done so in a while.

I got to choose my classes for summer and fall on Sunday at midnight. (So technically it was Monday.) I'm an honors student, so I was one of the first to get to choose my classes. Because of that I happily got into all of the classes I wanted to take. I'll be taking one summer class because it's a prerequisite for most of the classes that I will be taking for my business degree.

I will have six classes in that fall. They'll add up to 16 hours of credits. I'll only be taking one class for my CMP major, and it's the worst class for that one. I've heard horrible things about two of the professors for it, and the only good one's class is at like 7 pm. So I have to take a course with a horrible professor. All of my other courses sound absolutely disgusting because they are about finances and other business stuff...GROSS. It'll be fine though. I'm pretty good at math.

So I only have one month left of college before my summer break. I'm so ready to be home so I can get a job to buy things for myself. I've been losing quite a bit of weight, so I'm gonna need the money for a new wardrobe. Maybe now that I can fit in normal clothes I won't cry while I'm trying to shop.

Anyways. That's all that's going on in my life right now. If you're doing anything cool tell me about it. I love to hear other people's stories.

Farewell my loves.